Every Lidl counts....

You may be wondering (or indeed it may not have even crossed your mind) why there's been a deafening silence from me over the last two months. You may have assumed I had broken my head ski-ing. But you'd be wrong. I didn't even get that far. The week before we went I got myself a nice dose of tonsilitis and then an even nicer dose of food poisoning while we were there. So, yes, misfortune followed me on yet another ski-ing trip. And yet I keep going back for more.

The radio silence post ski-ing is purely down to me being a lazy arse. Four days after we got back I spent a glorious few days with Norovirus and then got the flu. Proper flu. Not man flu but Boo Flu which is ten times worse. That turned into something else and another course of antibiotics later I have emerged back into the land of the living. I know I was properly ill because I barely drank for about ten days and haven't even read a book in two months. The doctor recommended two weeks in Mauritius but sadly the NHS don't cover that and fleeced me for another £7.85 instead.

So, it became a vicious spiral - two months of not doing much means two months of not having anything to report. No-one wants to read about me sewing a button on or going to bed at 7.30pm. Honestly, I still can't think of anything to write about but it's a bit like going to the gym, you just have to get the first one over with again. Which reminds me - I haven't been for a run for two months either and that half marathon is looming again....

So, have I achieved anything over the last 8 weeks?

Errrrrrrrrr.....no. But I have been to Lidl. It wasn't my first time but I do get a buzz everytime I walk through the doors and head towards the special offer centre aisles. For those of you who have never been to one, you really haven't lived. If there's anything you've been struggling to find for most of your life or simply something you never realised you needed for the house, you'll find it there.

Essential kit for a day out in Manchester

Lidl is German, a nationality with which you would normally associate order, tidiness and purpose. Not so. The best thing about Lidl is the sheer unpredictability and randomness of what you might find. Not so long ago I went in to buy some apple juice and they were selling generators,  horse saddles and ...............angora kidney warmers! This was an incredible stroke of luck because I actually needed a kidney warmer and where would you normally think to go to look for one? Last week I bought a lime green watch for £6 (which is actually what I had been looking for for about 2 years) but could also have been tempted by the all in one wellie waders for when I go to Manchester or a bionic knee for next time I go ski-ing. I'm kidding about that last one but I notice that at the moment you can buy a paint and mortar mixer or a rain barrel pump. I keep going in the hope that they'll have a 6 bedroom Georgian rectory with 2 acres and a granny flat in Dorset.

What every cold abdominal cavity organ needs and individually
sized to fit your kidney.

And so, dull I know, but I have broken the back of my non-posting period. Now I can make plans. Just as well I have my circus course to look forward to in 2 weeks and my new challenge, a different martini from my martini book every Friday. Or Monday. Whenever.....